This post is by guest blogger Unlockable Character.
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Game Couch unlocks: Janitor JeddYou maybe noticed the fellas are being lazier than usual this time a year. Well, that’s fine with ole Jedd, less mess for me, I say. While waxing the big man’s desk I saw this here greasy note with a list of those vidergrams you kiddies like. What with Santy and ole Hannah Kwaz shooting down the pipe I figured you all might could use a list like this, should you be wondering what to ask for, if’n you been good and done your Sundays (or Sitars if you’re a 7th Pentecrat, didn’t think I’d leave you out did ya?).
Gears of War
Not sure what this one’s about, lots of exclamation points after it. Probably you build tanks. Lots of the pictures show these fella’s that look like they mighta been in welding accidents, also I been hearing that Bosio sleeping at his desk mumbling about playing with Rosie the riveter.
Guitar Hero II
There’s little music notes and RAWK written by this one… must be one of them japamay dating games. They always got those title that make no sense. Like Howdy Pussy and Daikatana.
Marvel Ultimate Alliance
Now kids, tell me, who’d want some United Nations games? Peace keeping, peace talks, pease porridge in the pot nine days old, if you ask me. Heh. Tell you what for free, that Koffee Anakin guy is slick. He’s trying to bring back the Pac. Ole Jedd remembers the Pac Man Fever. Watching the girls putting quarters in their sweetheart’s slot, when they could be out dieting and getting a nice, deep, healthy tan. I’d hate to see another generation waste away in those arcade palaces.
Tomb Raider: Legend
Don’t get me wrong now, I love Harrison Ford, but I think he’s getting a bit grampy to be playing Indiana Johns. Still you kids always say you can find anything with this intrenet so maybe you can find some film reels in some Hollywood garage and splice up a nice new one to spool into your vidergramaphones. Make sure you use lots of that arab shriner. He was always saying things like, “Doodle doodle doo, I’m foreign.” And then Indy would pretend to know what he was saying. Ha, I love that guy.
Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
You all surely must love these colon dealies. Near everything has ‘em now. In any case, I heard they was making a game for desperate housewives, but I didn’t think they’d make one for those fancy New York sex on the city gals. I think Zelda the one what had her bosoms injected with that Boxtops you all insist on putting into everything.
LocoRoco
Did that Ricky Martinez finally get a game? He’s been around forever, shame about divorcing that nice red head. Those guys are so musical, Artemis our spanish boy here in the office ain’t half bad at those dancing and carrying ons he’s always hooting about. A little queerish, but I think it’s their way. Can’t understand why the girls like it so.
New Super Mario Bros.
Now these guys I remember. One of them was always running around and jumping over things and the other one, well, I had a brother wore a dress all day too, so I ain’t gonna judge. At least mine didn’t marry a monkey though.