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    Taking a cue from Marvel’s What If series (you know, the series that dared to ask “What if Dazzler had become the herald of Galactus?”) I thought I’d explore what would happen if Altaïr and Agent 47 traded places. Okay, this exploration stems from me want to compare Assassin’s Creed with Hitman, but apart from writing a few funny sentences (like: I’m not sure if 20th Century Fox will leap at the opportunity to use, “A better movie than I thought it might be. — Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times” in their ad campaign) I lost interest. I blame lack of sleep, not the subject matter, but Big Brother says that I get enough sleep, so who knows?

    Altaïr in New OrleansAltaïr in “The Murder of Crows” from Hitman: Blood Money
    A presidential candidate aboard a Mardi Gras float is the target of two killers co-ordinated by an albino ringleader. If Agent 47 Altaïr is going to keep the politician alive, then he’ll need to follow a money trail back to one of the killers and then uncover the locations of the other assassin and the ringleader’s headquarters.

    The level begins with white-robed Altaïr sitting in a hotel bar eavesdropping on a conversation between a man in a red bird suit and a guy at the bar. Altaïr isn’t sitting on a bench, so it’s a little hard to hear what’s being said. It doesn’t matter because the red bird is moving outside.

    Outside the throngs are packed tighter than an Acre marketplace. Altaïr weaves through the crowd, barely causing a ripple as he gently pushes his way down the New Orleans street. Something’s wrong . . . there are no towers! Altaïr tries to climb a building, but there are no footholds. Maybe that drainpipe, but red bird is getting away.

    Altaïr turns a corner and sees red bird slip into a dark alley. Time to punch some information out of him. But red bird crumples without exposition. What a cruel turn. Altaïr looks down at his fallen foe. A man dressed like a bird and a briefcase full of diamonds. Altaïr can think of no good reason why a man would dress as a bird. As for the briefcase, Altaïr does not carry extra inventory.

    The assassin bends down, plucks a feather from the costume, runs it across the dead man’s throat, and then … a noise. Behind him. A woman dressed like a yellow bird. She coughs blood as throwing knife finds her neck. Great. Now there are two dead birds.

    Altaïr leaves the alley. He wanders a bit, hoping to pick a pocket. His ears strain to hear a scholar threatened by the blue-clad guards. He looks for haystacks. He misses his horse. Ahead, on a balcony above some sort of alcohol dealer, he sees another yellow bird. He rushes around back. Stairs– finally he can climb. He bursts through a door and the bird turns toward him. A spring blade enters the bird’s chest.

    Altaïr walks over to the balcony. He looks around, but there is no triumphant music. He wants to leap down, but he would probably turn an ankle. He is unsatisfied.

    More walking. More alleys. Some climbing. He finds a ladder and follows it up to a platform. There’s a piano hanging near the platform. He could leap to it, but why bother? He looks around. Beneath him, in what passes for a courtyard, two men sit on a bench chatting. He would like to sit between them, but he doubts they would move.

    In the distance, Altaïr sees a building. An albino stands on a balcony before disappearing back inside. More bird men surround the building. This must be the hideout!

    Altaïr climbs down the ladder and walks towards the bird men. He pushes his way through the crowd and draws his sword. One bird man falls, then another. Taken unawares, he hacks down more and more, but they keep appearing. He fights his way inside the building as the blue-clad guards appear. They point metal tubes and he feels hornets sting him.

    His vision dims as he runs up a staircase. The albino is there and Altaïr leaps toward him. Together they are locked in death’s embrace, but not before the albino whispers, “I thought you were bald.”

    47 in DamascusAgent 47 in “Memory Block 2: Assassinate Tamir” from Assassin’s Creed
    From The Damascus Times: Murderer wanted by guards. Tamir the Merchant killed. Guards suspect blood money is involved.

    City guards confirmed that Tamir the Merchant was among the victims of the souk outrage. Tamir was inspecting wares near the central fountain when the stall he was at burst into flames. The combustion also caused eleven additional deaths.

    Among the others killed were six city guards. Tamir’s bodyguards were also killed during the attack, but their deaths are not being investigated. “There he is, kill him,” guards were heard to say prior to the atrocity. The lack of evidence at the crime scene and witnesses is making this an especially difficult case to investigate.

    Tamir was rumored to have criminal connections and was long suspected of funneling weapons through Damascus. He may have also been involved in a brutal hacking prior to his fiery death. Guards have no suspects other than Shaitain and the Christian King. A local scholar and an accused thief are being questioned by guards.

    Possibly related to this case are the reports of rampant public nudity. Several guards, beggars, and citizens were found unclothed and unconscious, hidden in the city’s haystacks. Each victim was found near a set of neatly folded clothing, which they claimed did not belong to them.

    Comments (1)

    1. This was great. You should have a dig link

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