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Categories: Review
Tags: action, conan, xbox 360
Conan
Developer: Nihilistic Software
Publisher: THQ
Platform: Xbox 360
Released: 10/23/2007Even if Conan could turn his enemies into stone, he wouldn’t.
I usually try to cover a game’s storyline before getting into the mechanics, but Conan’s story is a confusing muddle. First off, Conan has awakened an evil wizard, which is bad. The evil wizard has enchanted Conan’s armor and scattered it across Hyboria, which seems good because who would want armor enchanted by an evil wizard? However, this is bad since the enchanted armor is also spreading the Black Death. I think.
Having played through the game and read several walkthroughs, I’m not actually sure if there is a connection between the armor and the Black Death, or what the Black Death actually is. Anyway, Conan, with the help of A’Kanna (a warrior queen who ferries Conan on her ship), must collect the armor and return to fight the evil wizard. Or something like that. Oh, and there’s lots of naked women chained to walls. Seriously, it’s like some Hyborian Age mandate that every wall needed a topless chick attached to it.
Even if Conan could call down a rain of fire, he wouldn’t.
Conan plays like a God of War clone—intense combat coupled with button mashing exercises. There would be nothing wrong with this, but Conan lacks God of War’s Wow Moments. Even worse, Conan seems to intentionally reference God of War, which is just setting itself up for failure. I mean, in God of War, the first thing you fight is the Hydra. Conan’s mid-game Giant Squid boss is nothing in comparison.
The majority of Conan’s enemies are human and come in small, medium, and large sizes. They come at you in waves and look alike, so at times the game feels like a Double Dragon style brawler, but a deep combat system prevents this from being tedious. The landscape of Conan is littered with weapons and shields and Conan can quickly pick them up, hurl them at opponents or charge in sword swinging. Almost everything can be used as a weapon and there’s a great deal of satisfaction in killing someone with a big-ass sword and then taking it for your own.
Adding an RPG element, Conan collects experience as he kills enemies which he can use to buy new attacks. These attacks are three to five button long combinations which inflict heavy damage, shatter enemy shields, or kill enemies out right. String your attacks and you can see Conan hack off arms, punch through people’s chests, or body slam them into a pulpy mess. Conan adopts different fighting styles depending on the weapons he’s carrying. Sword and shield combat differs from two-handed weapons, and carrying an axe in each hand opens up vicious whirlwind attacks. Conan can also use the environment to set people on fire, impale them, hurl rocks at them, or toss them over cliffs.
Combat does become frustrating when Conan is overwhelmed. Enemies have a habit of juggling Conan, which quickly depletes his health. Combat against armored enemies also has its challenges, because finesse is required – simple button mashing won’t break through their defenses.
Even if Conan could shoot magical ravens out of his arm, he wouldn’t.
Conan’s magic armor, which he recovers piecemeal, is guarded by the game’s bosses. Using the modern gaming cliché, Conan must whittle their health down and then enter into a Simon-style button matching minigame. Once again, I was reminded of how well God of War integrated this mechanic versus Conan’s arbitrary, trial-by-error implementation. Where God of War used visual cues to clue the player in, Conan gives the player a small window in which to find an appropriate hotspot. When fighting an Elephant Demon, Conan must close in on the tusks. When fighting a Sand Dragon, Conan must quickly run to a pillar.
I could talk about the horrible end boss fight, but I won’t. Let’s just say that after seven rounds he and I were both glad that it was over.
I will talk about Conan’s magic system. It exists and it shouldn’t. Conan doesn’t need magic. He has strength and steel. That is all he needs. Seriously, if you are creating a Conan game and you have a mana bar, you’ve erred. If you are button-mapping spells, you’ve made a misjudgment.
Even if Conan could rip a hole in the fabric of reality itself and suck his enemies into a void, he wouldn’t.
Conan is voiced by Ron Perlman who will also be voicing the Cimmerian in the animated Red Nails. Perlman does a good job, but he’s sounds like Ron Perlman. Conan’s music is unfortunately not the Poledouris score from the 1982 movie. It also drops out repeatedly.
Graphically Conan is underwhelming. Character models are fine and bosses are inventive, but levels are linear and repetitive. Overall, there’s not a lot of attention paid to detail. At one point my wife asked, “Is that supposed to be water?” I wasn’t sure either.
Where Conan does earn points is in a player friendly save-system. A few save points can be found in each level and the game makes liberal use of check points – even during boss battles.